This letter is for you

15/01/2015

Dear other complex adaptive minds out there,

Do you realise that you are amazing?

Being amazing is not the same as being perfect, its better. With that in mind I have been doing some thinking and made some changes in my life. Although despite all the thinking, I cannot actively feel what my complex adaptive mind is up to all of the time. However I intuitively know when it is working on my behalf to get my needs met so I can flourish as an individual in the complex world we all live in. Hold on to that thought because its important!

Although I have an observing self [as you do] that can step outside my own personal subjective space and reflect on things, I have to admit that I have not taken much advantage of that great human attribute. Mostly I just did things out of habit and some unconscious beliefs –my imagination often dreamt up all sorts of anxiety provoking scenarios that made change seem too risky, aided and abetted by my frog brain making me feel afraid.

I have always wanted to do things that make a positive difference, tried very hard all my working life to do so. All that energy was never exactly wasted, but my rational brain has analyzed things and the reality is that not all my eagerly contributed energy served the purpose it was intended for. I often believed I was in control of things, yet everything changed all of the time so how could I have been?

I know when my motivation to change my life really took hold, it was when I realized that the environment I was working in was very toxic. My wonderful complex adaptive brain was in a bit of a spin, my emotional arousal was high enough to be stressful and I had to get out of Dodge.

I have to earn my living but I also needed a new sense of purpose. My memory retrieval of Einstein’s definition of insanity “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” was occupying spaces in my brain. So without any great expectations of a light bulb moment, I started to seek help from the brains of other people, including a professional coach.

All the interaction and connecting up with other complex adaptive minds created a self organising network. In this supportive community, we were able to give each other attention and receive it back, and we had our own status endorsed within the group. My frog brain settled down, and allowed my frontal cortex [the thinking brain] to talk some sense. I started to sleep better and invested in some focused self development.  I started and completed my Diploma in Human Givens Psychology.

So more than just thinking about myself, I started to think about you. You as an individual, you as part of a relationship or you as a part of an organisation.  Any version of you that might benefit from the knowledge and skills of a Human Givens practitioner who can help you get your innate emotional needs met appropriately and flourish – really like the word ‘flourish’.

Just to be clear, our innate emotional NEEDS are not “nice to haves.” Nice to haves are WANTS not innate needs. The difference is an important one. Innate emotional needs include the need for security (being free from excessive fear); connection to others through intimacy and friendship; belonging to a wider community such as a company or shared interest group; status and self-esteem (that comes through learning and the competent application of skills); a sense of autonomy over your own life; attention –giving and receiving it – and very importantly a need for meaning.

You will know if your life feels out of balance, there may be some very obvious signs such as stress, depression, anxiety, feeling angry and taking things out on others, addictions or compulsions, feeling like you are in a rut, hopelessness, or perhaps you are just having trouble sleeping. This is your amazing complex adaptive brain’s reaction when your innate emotional needs are not being met in balance. Its not a sign of weakness to seek support to help get things get back on track, its common sense. You already have the resources within you to adapt and learn how to handle even the most difficult situations or entrenched behaviours – Booking some time with a Human Givens practitioner will get you connected up to your resources very quickly. It’s an empowering experience.

A question for you – do you intuitively know that your innate emotional needs are being met in a balanced way? If your answer is no, or you are unsure just get in touch to make a difference in your life.

One final note on leadership of successful businesses. Organisations are made up of the sum of their parts, the minds of everyone who works for them, the minds of their customers, suppliers and partners. Is your organisation knowingly or not, creating the culture in which people are getting their innate emotional needs met in a balanced way? If the answer is yes, then great, I am sure you will be successful. I would love to hear about how you are achieving this – I am always looking for success stories to include on my blogs. If you are unsure,  I can help you find the answers. If you are interested in changing the culture or developing great people and customer experiences, there is a lot that I can do for you. If you don’t care then I would anticipate that many of those wonderful complex adaptive minds that work with you, or do business with you [and yes this includes your customers] will at some point get out of Dodge.

Yours authentically,

Ingrid Blades

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